The FAQs of Life...and My Answers to Them

1. If you can't give of yourself, how could you expect anything in return?

YA CAN'T! Life is a balance of give and take, and if you keep on taking you'll eventually get caught for stealing (that was a really bad joke, I know). The more you put in, the more you get. Simply put...but you'll definitely get more if you give unselfishly without expecting something back.

2. Can you love someone else when you don't even love yourself?

I believe people treat others the way they treat themselves without realizing it. If you're really happy with who you are, that'll catch on and people will love you just as much as you love you. However, if you always put yourself down, you may find yourself criticizing others or having a tinge of jealousy. Like, if you wish you were pretty (even though we all know you are!) and you see someone who is attractive, you might judge that person and think, "Yeah, she's pretty which means she's probably a whore," even though most likely she isn't. So, if there are people in your life who try to show how much they love you, you may not see it because you don't think you're deserving of love, or you may just think they're full of crap.

3. Can you really live without regrets?

Yes. The word regret means to feel disappointment. We usually feel regret when we wish a situation turned out differently or never happened at all. Of course, when s*** hits the fan, we wish it didn't happen! However, I think when we ask each other if we have any regrets, we mean to ask if we are able to live with what happened and move on with our lives. It's okay to feel a little disappointed that you didn't get what you want, as long as you are happy with what happened as a result. Sometimes you aren't meant to do something or be with someone because something or someone else that is so much better for you will come along. The world may never know, but the world always falls into place the way you want it to eventually.

4. What is our purpose for living?

That's for you to decide.

Any more questions?

Dreams

When we're asleep, our minds reveal to us symbols of our waking lives through dreams. I have had some vivid and realistic dreams lately, and I've become reliant on http://www.dreammoods.com to analyze what parts of my dreams mean.

When you visit the website, the top right has a box where you insert a word then click "Interpret." Obviously, you cannot describe the entire dream. I have gotten pretty good at typing in keywords. For instance, in a recent dream I was at home in my kitchen during a party and was pouring a glass of water on the counter next to the sink, but the water spilled everywhere, and it seemed like the glass exploded. Then a split second later, it seemed like the moment rewound and there was no spill or shattered glass, and the glass was full of water. That really bugged me out! I also saw some people in my dream who have been family friends for almost 20 years.
I was really curious to find out what all of this meant. So, I picked apart the dream. The words I typed in were: kitchen, water, glass, spill, sink, party, home, and friends.

I would describe how each symbol reflects my life and what they all mean...but that'd be boring as hell. To sum it up, this dream had a lot to do with rejuvenation and my mental and spiritual state. Some of the keywords have similar themes such as being optimistic and in need of warmth and spiritual healing.

I encourage you to look up these symbols yourself, especially ones that are commonly found in dreams, such as childhood friends and water. You have to also put in a lot of different aspects of your dream to fully understand what it means. Keep in my mind if you see yourself in the dream, if you're outside, inside, around people, or alone. Think about what people are wearing, what time of day it might be, what room in the house you are in. Were you holding a purse or a wallet? Were you walking on the sidewalk or the middle of the street, and did you see trees, houses, or any animals? Every little thing means something, otherwise our minds wouldn't show them to us.

Dream Moods seems pretty accurate, and oftentimes the descriptions really coincide with my life. I think it's very interesting to find out why I have certain dreams and how they relate to reality.

Pretty cool, huh?

mindXposed Quote of the Week

"If you start to think the problem is 'out there,' stop yourself. That thought is the problem." - Stephen R. Covey in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

I haven't read too many self-improvement books, but The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is my favorite so far, and this quote is exactly why.

When you reflect on your life and start to wonder why people treat you some type of way, why bad things seem to happen to you more than other people, or why what you want is not coming to fruition...don't go pointing fingers and blaming your shortcomings and issues on others.

You are the controller of your life, second to God. Think of yourself as the co-pilot to the higher being you believe has your fate predetermined.

The problem lies in your thinking. The problem is not "out there" because nobody else can determine how your life plan is executed. If you want something done, you gotta do it yourself. It's okay to ask for assistance, but it's another thing to completely rely on others to get what you need. You need a Plan B, an alternative, anything to bounce you back in a moment of failure, or when someone you depended on dropped the ball because they might've put you second to their own needs.

Sometimes we blame the teacher when we fail a quiz. We're upset when we don't get the job we were hoping for. We beat ourselves up over things we can control.

Sometimes it isn't the problem itself that we have to analyze, it's our reaction and thinking that we have to examine. When we fail, when things aren't coming our way, maybe it's not because others didn't follow through when we expected them to. Maybe it's because rather than being hopeful, we have self doubt. And instead of facing our inner demons, we place blame on external factors. The only hands that could lift us up are our own. Others may reach down to help, but ultimately it is our choice to grab hold.

Take a good look at your thoughts when you wake up in the morning and when you go to bed at night. Are you thinking about what you can do to turn your life around, or to have a better chance of getting what you want or need in your life?

When you reach an obstacle, rather than pointing fingers, think about the best way you know to overcome the problem. You and God are in control of your life. So why complicate that by thinking everything and everyone out there isn't in line with your life plan and your goals?

Honestly, this was a little difficult to explain and I'm all over the place, but hopefully my point came across all right.

Happy Weekend!

The 20s

The 20s are an awkward age. Girls and boys are between their youth and adulthood, depending on their maturity level, and I don't know about the rest of you early 20-somethings, but to call myself a woman sounds misleading. I'm reminded of that Britney Spears song I don't like but fits this post: "I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman." This is a time I am questioning where I fit in and how I'm supposed to act, and who and when I am supposed to listen or make my own decisions. Anyway, at this point in life, people are just graduating college, entering graduate school, finding a job, or getting married and having children (or vice versa, or just one or the other...let's be real here).

I find it pretty crazy how many people are getting married or are engaged while I still feel like a teenager who has to ask permission to leave my house (okay, I'm exaggerating just a little). But the whole point is, this is the time in one's life where adulthood begins to take shape, while at the same time, for some, they're still being supported and/or disciplined by their parents.

This is a tug-of-war decade of finding out how to take control of our lives without disrespecting our parents, without feeling like we don't care about their feelings, and all the while still getting by with their help from time to time. There has to come a time when we have to look out for ourselves and should be able to do what we want. Of course parents will be parents and worry about their children even when their grandkids reach their 20s. However, this is when we must learn responsibility, make mistakes and grow from them, and find out through experience what it is in our lives that we want and don't want. Sometimes I wonder if parents remember what it was like when they were growing up. What did they do wrong that their parents disapproved of? What kind of fights did they get into? How did they deal with the transition in their 20s? Do they go to bed at night thinking, Damn, I can't believe how much I sound like my mother?

While I live at home with Mom and Dad, others are taking care of their children or their spouses, planning their weddings or buying their first home. Others are also still living with their parents, and some are still in school trying to finish their undergraduate education or attending grad school. Our age group is comprised of husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, students, and full-time workers. Just think about this hypothetical conversation four girls/women (I told you, it's weird for me!) have that is based on actual people who are between 22 and 25, who are in college or recently graduated within the past two years, and are clearly in different stages of their lives:

"I give up. There is no way I can afford a wedding. I think I should elope, or just do it at the courthouse. $20,000 is nowhere near enough for everything! I don't know how people do it. My fiance is too busy working to help me, even though he tries. $20,000! Is it even worth it? "

"I know how you feel, girl. My tuition is over $20,000 a year, and I'm not looking forward to paying back my loans. On top of that, I have to pay fees for my labs and books. I work like 30 hours at the bar to try to pay for school and other crap like my car. This all better be worth it!"

"Oh God, I don't even want to think about how I'm gonna get my daughter through school. By the time she turns 18, tuition is gonna be impossible to afford. I can't even buy what she wants now, and it's only like a $20 toy, but it's either feed her or let her play with a stupid talking doll. I had to yell at her for the first time because she wanted to go out and play, but it was raining."

"Yeah, I just got yelled at by my parents because I came home past 2 am the other night. And they mentioned how I didn't clean my room well enough. How do you handle it when your daughter wants to play outside but you don't want her to, or when she hasn't cleaned her room when you asked? Maybe you and my parents can get together and figure out the best way to deal with us kids."

Awkward?

mindXposed Quote of the Week

"Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I found this quote in Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. I have yet to finish the book because I keep losing it, but I am halfway through, and now that it's in my possession again, I'll do my best to keep it in sight. But this isn't about the progress I am making in reading the book; this is about the quote. So let me continue...

Emerson made a great point, which I kind of touched upon in my post "Your Past..." in which I said that everyone, no matter how long or briefly you have known a person, has some kind of influence over you. Every person you come across is someone you can learn from, no matter where they came from or how far advanced they are in their formal education. In fact, the more different you are, the more you can learn.

Everyone's life experiences are different; therefore, you can take something valuable from someone else's story. Life is too short to experience everything ourselves, and human relationships and interaction are important in shaping who we are.

I absolutely love meeting new people and listening to stories. I am constantly learning. We have to humble ourselves in order to better ourselves. We cannot shrug off advice from a young child or from someone who quit high school. We cannot ignore the words of someone of a different religion or sexual orientation just because their beliefs or actions are not like ours.

We are no better than each other, and if we lived by what Emerson stated, imagine how much more intelligent and logical we would be as a whole. Imagine how much more understanding we would be of each other, and how much more grateful we would be for sharing this world with each other.

"April Showers Bring May Flowers"

It's been raining a whole lot these days here at the Jersey Shore, and I'm guessing in other areas as well. It's spring time, and the rain helps the natural world grow.

"April showers bring May flowers." This saying has many layers to it. Take it at face value. It rains a lot in April, but come May, the flowers bloom and the sun is shining. Spring is in full force.

I can't play basketball in the rain, and it's even more difficult to plan a tennis match in this weather. However, I know that it rains for a reason and I just have to patiently wait for the day to come where I can be able to do what I want.

To get to the beauty and serenity of spring, we have to put up with the rain. In life, to reach a higher ground, to get to a better and more positive place, we have to endure trials and tribulations. We have to fight, argue, bleed, sweat, work. Nothing valuable comes easily. Life lessons are not found on a chalkboard. They are found when you make the mistake, when you're on the ground with your knees scraped and your head pounding with pain. They are found when you witness others falling. They are found when the wounds heal and you get up to face another day with the hope of a better tomorow. Lessons aren't learned unless you think about what you've been through and realize why it happened and how it can benefit you. You can fall time and time again, but if you don't learn from the first few times...don't question why you keep on fallng. That's the reason right there. You didn't learn. You knew you made a mistake but haven't done anything to prevent it from happening again.

They say that you won't know true happiness without experiencing sadness, that you don't know what it's like to have a rich life unless you've experienced being poor (metaphorically speaking). There's a reason why there is an opposite to everything in life.

When it rains, just remember that the rain is there to help something better grow. If it's in your control, it doesn't have to rain as often as you think. If it's out of your control, think about why it's raining and what you can learn from it.

mindXposed Quote of the Week

"What do you mean you don't believe in homosexuality? It's not like the Easter Bunny, your belief isn't necessary." - Lea DeLaria

This quote is hysterical. Since it's Good Friday, I figured I'd associate this week's quote with Easter. I Googled and found this one. I wanted to originally reflect on Christ's resurrection, but I did that already, and you can read it here: http://mindxposed.blogspot.com/2009/02/bare-bones-please-heed-warning.html

I Googled (I Google a lot) who Lea DeLaria is and found out she's a music artist and author, and she seems pretty effing cool. I'm not homosexual (not that it would matter, right?...unless, of course, you're trying to hit on me), but I am absolutely all for it. Love knows no color, gender, age, or any other kind of boundary. Love is a verb, an action you take when you care deeply about someone. "Believing" in homosexuality just sounds funny. Saying you believe in something, in a way, means that you think it is real. Like, if you believe in the Easter Bunny, Santa, and the Tooth Fairy, then you think they exist. So, if you don't believe in homosexuality, does that mean you don't think it is real?

Think on that vocabulary lesson, and if you celebrate, have a Happy Easter!

"If"

"If" is used when making a decision or in preparation for what is to come.
Example - "What if I make a career change?"

"If" is also used when questioning the present situation or a past choice.
Example - "What if I went to school abroad instead of staying at home?"

"If" is used in these two very distinct ways. In the first example, a person is planning for the future, preparing him or herself for what will happen. The second example shows how a person is wondering about how life could have been had he or she taken a different route.

Consider this: Is it more worthwhile to question how things are going to be, or how things were already done? Of which should you focus more or less?

mindXposed Quote of the Week

"Develop a negative into a positive picture." - Lauryn Hill ("Everything is Everything")

I have faithfully been listening to The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill since its release in 1998. Eleven years later, I still have it bumping in my car. I absolutely love the beat of "Every Ghetto, Every City," and since I'm a Jersey girl, I am very familiar with the streets and cities she mentions on that track. "Nothing Even Matters" with D'Angelo melts through the speakers. Her emotions pull you in on "To Zion." This album is by far probably my most favorite.

Anyway, back to the quote. Ever since I first listened to this track, I have lived by the words, "Develop a negative into a positive picture." That is why I have been so resilient, despite everything that life has thrown at me. I have been through hell and back numerous times, and yet, I have not been depressed ever. I immediately take a negative situation, find the lesson in it, grow up and move on. It is amazing how quickly I just move on. Metaphorically speaking, I'd be beaten up and boggled down by life, but no one around me would ever know, because the next day, you'd find me on the tennis courts trying to win one for them team or in a Student Government meeting trying to lead my peers, without one teammate or SGA officer knowing how upside down and shaken my life just was less than 24 hours before.

Other people who have gone through similar circumstances have not bounced back nearly as fast as I have from the shit (forgive my language) I have gone through. I am blessed and grateful to be such a positive person who lets nothing, and I do mean nothing, stop me from enjoying life and going after my dreams. With what I've gone through, some people might try to hide from the spotlight and live anonymously in fear. Some people might lose trust in everyone they meet, and even people they have known for quite some time.

By developing every negative into a positive, I do not live in fear and I learn so much about myself and about life. Because of what I have been through, I am more cautious about certain things and letting people into my life, but I do not, nor will I ever, limit myself just because of my past. Also, I have learned how to forgive, how to be happy despite the facts, and I am not stressed out at all from anything that happens.

Continuously, I say that everyone deals with problems differently. However, I am really glad that I know how to move on and not dwell on the past. Doing so just keeps your life on a standstill, and that is no way to be living! It honestly aggravates me to hear people complain about their lives. Not everyone's life is golden, and not everyone knows how to deal with that. However, every situation can be altered if you try. It takes a lot of effort, a lot of discipline, and a lot of strength to make a change and to learn from the past. Easier said than done, but it must be done. And once it is done, baby, you are on track to the happiness you deserve! It'll take time, but only the greatest things are accomplished with patience and diligence.