A Letter

My Dearly Beloved Yet Hated,

Pay attention and read carefully...

I hate how you make me so weary and tired, bulldozing me with some pretty damn difficult situations. I try to do the right thing, yet it doesn't seem to please or appease you. You just keep coming at me hard.

I hate the way you make me feel inadequate at times, questioning my confidence, my sincerity, and my motives. I do my best to give my all, but more often than not I've been a failure to you.

Just when I think everything is running smoothly and finally going my way, all of a sudden you throw something at me that ruins my plans or sets me back, and I hate that about you. It's almost like you don't think I deserve to be successful or have things go right.

I hate how you make it hard for me to do what I want. Why can't I just have my fun? Why must it be all work and no play most days? My plate could only be so full, and once in a while, I need some relaxation, and I'd appreciate some alone time.

As much as I hate what you do, I love the little surprises you give me that do nothing but make me smile. Even though you hurt me at times, you make up for it by doing things that make me feel blessed and truly appreciative of you.

I love how you make me feel good about myself. You make me feel so accomplished and able to tackle anything that comes my way. You've given me all that I have ever needed to go after what I want and overcome the bad things that find their way to me once in a while.

I love all of the people I have met through you, and all of the experiences that could not have been possible without you. I have had so much fun so far, and you've given me unforgettable memories. I'm looking forward to more.

So Life, read this carefully. I am so grateful to have you, the entire package, good and bad. Because if it were not for the bad, I wouldn't know how good I've got it. Life, for as long as you're around, this is going to be a love/hate battle. But I am the one who is really in control of this fight, and you will not defeat me.

I hate what you have done to me, but I love the person you are helping me become. Thank you for everything.

Sincerely,
Jamie

Don't Doubt Me

I've been beaten, scraped, thrown around. I've failed miserably and committed costly mistakes. I've triumphed and succeeded, been the one who did the beatings. I have been on my knees more than I've been held up on a giant's shoulders. I have cried and frowned as equally as I have laughed and smiled. But don't dare doubt me. Life is trials and tribulations, but it isn't worth a damn thing if you don't fulfill your dreams despite all of the failure and filth.

When I say I can handle it, don't tell me I can't. And if you're right and I'm wrong, don't sweat it. I'll let it go.

When I say I want to go for it, don't tell me it's out of my reach. If you're right and I'm wrong, don't sweat it. I'll step back on my own accord.

If there was something that I could not do or would not be good for me, I wouldn't even try. So don't tell me what I can and cannot handle. And if I happen to be wrong, and you happen to be right, I'll deal with it. Move on with your life.

I would never refuse your advice. I will never disregard your opinion. I will, however, always stand by what I think is right, what I think would make my life worth living, and what I believe would do me good. I will always appreciate your care, love, support, faith, worries, criticism, and fears.

If I fail more than I succeed (and I know I will because that's life), and if the same mistake happens twice, put it all on me. There is nobody else who could be at fault for the things of which I try and fail. I'll take the blame, I'll own up, be responsible for my actions, and I'll still be living happily ever after. I'd hope you would do the same. After all, everything I do for myself and to myself affects me more than it could ever affect you.

The Title's Not Important

The only thing you need to know about life is that there are no limitations to it.

Living by expectations guarantees more disappointment than satisfaction.

Having fear and living with pure faith is the only impossiblity of life.

Impressing others with your material "value" will only make people resent you more.

There is more than one road to your fate, and no matter which way you choose, you will end up exactly where you were meant to be.

Everyone and everything come into your life on purpose.

Ignorance is bliss only for those who choose not to be educated, who choose not to care.

Mistakes Can Be Blessings

We all stumble. We all swear up and down that we will not screw up.

But sometimes sh** happens, and it happens for a reason. Maybe what we view as a mistake is actually not a mistake...it's something God divinely set into our lives. Mistakes can be blessings. Like, for instance, you get into a car accident because you made the mistake of not checking all mirrors before changing lanes. But that mistake ends up being a blessing in disguise because now you've learned to be more careful. Or maybe you've made the mistake of telling your friend something that's been bothering you, but you didn't want to tell her. You thought it'd hurt her feelings, but...blessing in disguise. Your slip of the tongue put your friend in check, and now she's corrected her fault.

Don't look at mistakes as errors that you wish did not happen. God puts into place everything in our lives for a reason...mistakes and all. If God put you to it, He can get you through it. Have faith in yourself like He does.

So, What Do You Want to be When You Grow Up?

This question has plagued me since I was a child, probably around four years old. Here's a list of a few things I've thought about being since then (some more or less realistic than others...I'm sure you could figure out which is which!):

• Movie Director
• Novelist
• Fashion Designer
• Teacher
• Restaurant Owner
• Night Club Owner
• Astronaut
• Pro Basketball Player
• Ballerina
• Physical Therapist
• Obstetrician
• Archaeologist
• Psychologist
• Flight Attendant
• Photographer
• Newspaper Columnist
• Magazine Editor
• Pediatrician

The list is pretty all over the place, like I am now. There are a billion and one things I want to do, and I want more than one career path in my life because, to me, life is too short to settle on one type of job. I graduated college in 2008, but witnessing other people graduate recently has made me reflect on my own education and my future.

I loved being creative with the question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I dreamed big when I was younger, just as I do now. The only difference? I'm GROWN. So, now the question is, "What are you doing?" And I wish I could be as creative as I was when I was younger, able to just choose an answer out of thin air.

I am not saying I wasted my time in college. I am not saying I'm wasting my time now. I heard the warnings and the advice: have a game plan; if don't know what you want to do, you won't get anywhere. I thought I was following those words; I thought I knew what I wanted. I just don't know anymore.

I am not one to give up, and I am not one to be pessimistic. I just have a change of heart. It's wanting too much and not settling on just one thing for the time being. It's having commitment issues. I stayed with my Comm degree, but fluctuated on my second degree and my two minors until I settled with Comm and a Sociology minor. I spread myself too thin. I saw so many options, and I guess I became overwhelmed. I thought I wanted to do PR with a nonprofit organization. That is still my main focus. But there aren't too many opportunities out there. I know what I want, but yet I'm still confused? Maybe it's self-doubt, maybe it's the reality of our economy sinking in, or maybe I am always looking beyond, looking at what else is out there that I don't want to miss out on.

I am writing this because I know so many people who've just graduated or who've been out of college for like a year or two now. A lot of us are feeling this same way. Job searching is like a job in itself. Finding our place in society, making a name for ourselves, attempting to be real world adults...it looked so easy and effortless 20 years ago. Now we have people who are like me, going back to school to chase yet another dream, or to substitute the one they thought would get them to where they want to be. We've got people working jobs that they really hate. It sucks having to do something that only makes us feel worse, rather than being in a position in which we feel passionate and happy.

In time, things will always fall into place the way we want them to. We have to keep our heads up. We have to keep that determination, that fire, that spirit. We have to be tireless in our efforts. Even the most successful people tried and failed countless times, even though it seems like everything comes easy to them...

"The great Henry Aaron hit a home run 755 times in his career, but failed to do so almost 12,000 times." - John Szarkowski

The Truth Floats Like a Butterfly, Stings Like a Bee

Let's get real here...

Truth is, you just can't sing.
Truth is, you do need to lose a couple of pounds.
Truth is, you're being controlled by your man.
Truth is, she'll never want to be with you.

Let's not string each other along just to keep each other happy. That's how we end up with so many tears on American Idol from people who can't carry a note if it was in a brown paper bag, but have been convinced that they're the next big thing. That's how we end up with people, who don't realize how big they are, running around in clothes three times too small (I'm not talking about people who are proud of their curves and wear clothes to accentuate them...I'm talking about the straight delusional!). That's how we end up with women who have been lied to, being told that their man is a good catch when everyone knows she's the dummy to his ventriloquist act. That's how we end up with people who chase the ones they love anywhere and everywhere until they're out of breath because the ones being chased don't want to hurt their feelings.

We don't have to be mean to tell the truth, but damn son...the truth must be told somehow! There are people out their who would rather walk on egg shells to keep a smile on someone's face rather than speak up about an issue they have with a person. Confrontation does not always lead to conflict. It can, however, and it should, lead to a resolution.

Sometimes we know the truth but it is just sooo effing hard to face that we become dishonest with ourselves. We convince ourselves that it's better to live a lie than to confront ourselves. We do know what's up, that there needs to be a change, but some of us need others to point that out and to point us in the proper direction. Some of us are too weak to face the truth even though we are very aware of what it is.

Here's something I've learned, even though it may be common sense and might come naturally to you...by facing the truth and really working on yourself to improve your life, you eliminate so much of the stress and headache of trying to live with that bad demon, the lurking shadow, the cloudy overcast. The truth is the light.

Sometimes it's not this serious, like the thing about singing. Sometimes we just really are convinced of something that just isn't true. But it's those things that we should just laugh about and roll off our shoulders.

None of us lead perfect lives and once in a while we gotta put each other in check...but gently. Otherwise, we may be seeing more people signing record deals who are overweight, wearing extra tight clothes, and do not have any business being played on the radio.

"Would You Like Fries With That?"

It irritates me when I hear people making fun of others who are working at fast food restaurants, or as janitors, when they themselves don't have work. They're waving their rolled up college degrees tied with pretty ribbon like wands hoping to make magic happen. A college degree doesn't mean anything unless you make it worth something. Congratulations! You've completed 128 credits. Now what? College does not guarantee success, even though it is a valuable key to it.

By the way, I am a proud college graduate, but I have humbled myself in this world of layoffs and hiring freezes. Graduating does not necessarily automatically make you a baller. Yes, it gives you an upper hand. Hell yeah it's an advantage. But baller status? Think again. You still gotta climb that ladder before you hit the three letters C, E, and O. You may find yourself competing with someone who has a lesser degree. You might even be competing with someone without a degree who jumped onto that corporate ladder at the lowest of the lowest of the rungs and now gained more experience than you did while your were studying for final exams year in and year out.

You'll also find people who did not spend thousands of dollars on a college degree who are banking crazy amounts of money. Their secret? Their mind. And guess what? You've got one of those too. Really utilize the most powerful tool God placed in your body. It works wonders.

Life, as it is usually compared to, is a game of cards. Play your hand well, and like Sister Souljah points out in The Coldest Winter Ever, play that hand close to your chest. The hand you've been dealt is the choices you've been offered, and just as you calculate your next move in a game, you need to calculate precisely the next step in your life. Your education level does not mean anything unless you make moves. Like in poker, even if you have a winning hand, it means nothing if you don't take the risk and make those bets.

Long story short, don't pass up opportunities because you've got your eye on that high prize. Success comes in taking the small steps and learning from the bottom up in order to reach the top, not by leaping in bounds without any type of understanding. People respect those who have been around longer and worked their way up because they know more since they've been there and done that. They don't want some snotty college kid in a management position when he doesn't even know what it's like to hold a job of the "little people."

Am I making any sense?

With the world in the state that it's in, be glad you're being offered jobs. And if you're not being offered anything, you're just not trying hard enough. Point blank. That degree, no matter what it's in or what level it is at, is not going to work for you. You have to make it work.

This is my hard lesson learned, and I just thought I'd share it with you. I've been out of college a year and have yet to hold a job that requires a degree. Am I mad? No. "Change, it comes eventually," Lauryn Hill puts it. I am working at my life because that's the only thing we can do. The definition of work is energy, and to let up on that would make you weak. I may be physically weak, but I am mentally tough. I am not here to brag, and I am sure as hell not here to teach you all how to be tough because I am in no position to do any of that. You'll have to learn elsewhere how to be strong. You won't find answers in this blog.

But please don't disrespect the 40-year-old men and women asking customers if they'd like fries and a Coke to go along with their cheeseburgers. They're in the right business right now. That dollar menu is highly desirable at a time when people are pinching their pennies.

mindXposed Quote of the Week

"A person hears only what they understand." - Goethe

When it comes to listening to other people, we hear words but often twist them in our minds so that we comprehend those words in the best way we can understand. Sometimes we don't realize that we've twisted what was said into a different definition. Hence, arguments, wars, discrepancies, misunderstanding, miscommunication, etc.

It isn't that a person is ignorant or stupid and can't understand what's been said. It's just that how we've been brought up and what we've experienced influences what we hear. That's why racism and sexism exist. Actually, racism only exists in the minds of people who think coming from separate countries determines superiority. Sexism only exists in the minds of people who think what's between our legs determines who is the better sex. We live by what we best understand, by our beliefs, and by our personal levels of knowledge. We all grow up with our own sets of values, and oftentimes that is why we can't comprehend other people's behavior. "Good" and "bad" is arguable because we define things differently.

Goethe's one sentence basically summarizes how our world works, and how our minds disrupt and prevent peace.

The 20s

The 20s are an awkward age. Girls and boys are between their youth and adulthood, depending on their maturity level, and I don't know about the rest of you early 20-somethings, but to call myself a woman sounds misleading. I'm reminded of that Britney Spears song I don't like but fits this post: "I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman." This is a time I am questioning where I fit in and how I'm supposed to act, and who and when I am supposed to listen or make my own decisions. Anyway, at this point in life, people are just graduating college, entering graduate school, finding a job, or getting married and having children (or vice versa, or just one or the other...let's be real here).

I find it pretty crazy how many people are getting married or are engaged while I still feel like a teenager who has to ask permission to leave my house (okay, I'm exaggerating just a little). But the whole point is, this is the time in one's life where adulthood begins to take shape, while at the same time, for some, they're still being supported and/or disciplined by their parents.

This is a tug-of-war decade of finding out how to take control of our lives without disrespecting our parents, without feeling like we don't care about their feelings, and all the while still getting by with their help from time to time. There has to come a time when we have to look out for ourselves and should be able to do what we want. Of course parents will be parents and worry about their children even when their grandkids reach their 20s. However, this is when we must learn responsibility, make mistakes and grow from them, and find out through experience what it is in our lives that we want and don't want. Sometimes I wonder if parents remember what it was like when they were growing up. What did they do wrong that their parents disapproved of? What kind of fights did they get into? How did they deal with the transition in their 20s? Do they go to bed at night thinking, Damn, I can't believe how much I sound like my mother?

While I live at home with Mom and Dad, others are taking care of their children or their spouses, planning their weddings or buying their first home. Others are also still living with their parents, and some are still in school trying to finish their undergraduate education or attending grad school. Our age group is comprised of husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, students, and full-time workers. Just think about this hypothetical conversation four girls/women (I told you, it's weird for me!) have that is based on actual people who are between 22 and 25, who are in college or recently graduated within the past two years, and are clearly in different stages of their lives:

"I give up. There is no way I can afford a wedding. I think I should elope, or just do it at the courthouse. $20,000 is nowhere near enough for everything! I don't know how people do it. My fiance is too busy working to help me, even though he tries. $20,000! Is it even worth it? "

"I know how you feel, girl. My tuition is over $20,000 a year, and I'm not looking forward to paying back my loans. On top of that, I have to pay fees for my labs and books. I work like 30 hours at the bar to try to pay for school and other crap like my car. This all better be worth it!"

"Oh God, I don't even want to think about how I'm gonna get my daughter through school. By the time she turns 18, tuition is gonna be impossible to afford. I can't even buy what she wants now, and it's only like a $20 toy, but it's either feed her or let her play with a stupid talking doll. I had to yell at her for the first time because she wanted to go out and play, but it was raining."

"Yeah, I just got yelled at by my parents because I came home past 2 am the other night. And they mentioned how I didn't clean my room well enough. How do you handle it when your daughter wants to play outside but you don't want her to, or when she hasn't cleaned her room when you asked? Maybe you and my parents can get together and figure out the best way to deal with us kids."

Awkward?

mindXposed Quote of the Week

"Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I found this quote in Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. I have yet to finish the book because I keep losing it, but I am halfway through, and now that it's in my possession again, I'll do my best to keep it in sight. But this isn't about the progress I am making in reading the book; this is about the quote. So let me continue...

Emerson made a great point, which I kind of touched upon in my post "Your Past..." in which I said that everyone, no matter how long or briefly you have known a person, has some kind of influence over you. Every person you come across is someone you can learn from, no matter where they came from or how far advanced they are in their formal education. In fact, the more different you are, the more you can learn.

Everyone's life experiences are different; therefore, you can take something valuable from someone else's story. Life is too short to experience everything ourselves, and human relationships and interaction are important in shaping who we are.

I absolutely love meeting new people and listening to stories. I am constantly learning. We have to humble ourselves in order to better ourselves. We cannot shrug off advice from a young child or from someone who quit high school. We cannot ignore the words of someone of a different religion or sexual orientation just because their beliefs or actions are not like ours.

We are no better than each other, and if we lived by what Emerson stated, imagine how much more intelligent and logical we would be as a whole. Imagine how much more understanding we would be of each other, and how much more grateful we would be for sharing this world with each other.

"April Showers Bring May Flowers"

It's been raining a whole lot these days here at the Jersey Shore, and I'm guessing in other areas as well. It's spring time, and the rain helps the natural world grow.

"April showers bring May flowers." This saying has many layers to it. Take it at face value. It rains a lot in April, but come May, the flowers bloom and the sun is shining. Spring is in full force.

I can't play basketball in the rain, and it's even more difficult to plan a tennis match in this weather. However, I know that it rains for a reason and I just have to patiently wait for the day to come where I can be able to do what I want.

To get to the beauty and serenity of spring, we have to put up with the rain. In life, to reach a higher ground, to get to a better and more positive place, we have to endure trials and tribulations. We have to fight, argue, bleed, sweat, work. Nothing valuable comes easily. Life lessons are not found on a chalkboard. They are found when you make the mistake, when you're on the ground with your knees scraped and your head pounding with pain. They are found when you witness others falling. They are found when the wounds heal and you get up to face another day with the hope of a better tomorow. Lessons aren't learned unless you think about what you've been through and realize why it happened and how it can benefit you. You can fall time and time again, but if you don't learn from the first few times...don't question why you keep on fallng. That's the reason right there. You didn't learn. You knew you made a mistake but haven't done anything to prevent it from happening again.

They say that you won't know true happiness without experiencing sadness, that you don't know what it's like to have a rich life unless you've experienced being poor (metaphorically speaking). There's a reason why there is an opposite to everything in life.

When it rains, just remember that the rain is there to help something better grow. If it's in your control, it doesn't have to rain as often as you think. If it's out of your control, think about why it's raining and what you can learn from it.

mindXposed Quote of the Week

"Develop a negative into a positive picture." - Lauryn Hill ("Everything is Everything")

I have faithfully been listening to The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill since its release in 1998. Eleven years later, I still have it bumping in my car. I absolutely love the beat of "Every Ghetto, Every City," and since I'm a Jersey girl, I am very familiar with the streets and cities she mentions on that track. "Nothing Even Matters" with D'Angelo melts through the speakers. Her emotions pull you in on "To Zion." This album is by far probably my most favorite.

Anyway, back to the quote. Ever since I first listened to this track, I have lived by the words, "Develop a negative into a positive picture." That is why I have been so resilient, despite everything that life has thrown at me. I have been through hell and back numerous times, and yet, I have not been depressed ever. I immediately take a negative situation, find the lesson in it, grow up and move on. It is amazing how quickly I just move on. Metaphorically speaking, I'd be beaten up and boggled down by life, but no one around me would ever know, because the next day, you'd find me on the tennis courts trying to win one for them team or in a Student Government meeting trying to lead my peers, without one teammate or SGA officer knowing how upside down and shaken my life just was less than 24 hours before.

Other people who have gone through similar circumstances have not bounced back nearly as fast as I have from the shit (forgive my language) I have gone through. I am blessed and grateful to be such a positive person who lets nothing, and I do mean nothing, stop me from enjoying life and going after my dreams. With what I've gone through, some people might try to hide from the spotlight and live anonymously in fear. Some people might lose trust in everyone they meet, and even people they have known for quite some time.

By developing every negative into a positive, I do not live in fear and I learn so much about myself and about life. Because of what I have been through, I am more cautious about certain things and letting people into my life, but I do not, nor will I ever, limit myself just because of my past. Also, I have learned how to forgive, how to be happy despite the facts, and I am not stressed out at all from anything that happens.

Continuously, I say that everyone deals with problems differently. However, I am really glad that I know how to move on and not dwell on the past. Doing so just keeps your life on a standstill, and that is no way to be living! It honestly aggravates me to hear people complain about their lives. Not everyone's life is golden, and not everyone knows how to deal with that. However, every situation can be altered if you try. It takes a lot of effort, a lot of discipline, and a lot of strength to make a change and to learn from the past. Easier said than done, but it must be done. And once it is done, baby, you are on track to the happiness you deserve! It'll take time, but only the greatest things are accomplished with patience and diligence.