Kids

I know it never goes according to how parents wish it could be, but if I had kids, this would be my ideal way of raising them, lol:

1. I would live in a one-story house, and my bedroom would be in between my kids' bedrooms, if I had at least two kids. There would be no doors to their bedrooms. For like the first five years of their lives, until they make friends and go to other people's houses, they'll be led to believe that kids don't have doors like their parents' rooms, they have cool looking curtains that they get to pick out themselves. Once they rebel and want a bedroom door, I'd just tell them I can't afford one, and if they want one, they'll have to find some way to pay for it.
2. I wouldn't talk to them in a baby voice when they're little. I'd just talk to them like I'm talking to anyone else. I don't think babies and little kids care if we talk to them in tiny little voices or normally, as long as our tones aren't booming sounds of hatred.
3. My kids are not going to be dressed looking like farmers (no offense to farmers!). What I mean is, no overalls! They're no longer in style for anyone of any age. Also, I don't want a freakin cow, horse, or a chicken printed or sewn on any of their clothing, unless they choose to wear it. They are dressing cute, but not sickly cute. I don't know why, but animals on kids' clothes bother me. Maybe when they're newly born, I could deal, but I don't want my 3-year-old kid running around with a big fuzzy bear on his or her shirt.
4. It'd be ingrained into my kids' heads to eat a piece of fruit or have a fruit salad along with breakfast, lunch, and dinner. They'd eat balanced meals, and I'd tell them that they can't buy their lunch at school unless they want to be fat and ugly. Yeah, I'll scare them into healthy eating! Why not?
5. There'd be no such thing as girls or boys-only parties. Every birthday party they'd have will be co-ed because I want them to know it's okay to have friends of the opposite sex, and this could help them with their social skills a lot better.
6. I'd make it routine to go for a walk or a bike ride every day with them for like however many years it takes them to tell me it isn't cool anymore.
7. My house would only have two TVs - one in my bedroom, another in the living room. We'd also only have one computer in the living room where I could monitor them (aka - spy if I have to).
8. If they ask if Santa is real, I'd probably just say, "Where do you think all of your presents come from when I can't even afford bedroom doors?"

The 20s

The 20s are an awkward age. Girls and boys are between their youth and adulthood, depending on their maturity level, and I don't know about the rest of you early 20-somethings, but to call myself a woman sounds misleading. I'm reminded of that Britney Spears song I don't like but fits this post: "I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman." This is a time I am questioning where I fit in and how I'm supposed to act, and who and when I am supposed to listen or make my own decisions. Anyway, at this point in life, people are just graduating college, entering graduate school, finding a job, or getting married and having children (or vice versa, or just one or the other...let's be real here).

I find it pretty crazy how many people are getting married or are engaged while I still feel like a teenager who has to ask permission to leave my house (okay, I'm exaggerating just a little). But the whole point is, this is the time in one's life where adulthood begins to take shape, while at the same time, for some, they're still being supported and/or disciplined by their parents.

This is a tug-of-war decade of finding out how to take control of our lives without disrespecting our parents, without feeling like we don't care about their feelings, and all the while still getting by with their help from time to time. There has to come a time when we have to look out for ourselves and should be able to do what we want. Of course parents will be parents and worry about their children even when their grandkids reach their 20s. However, this is when we must learn responsibility, make mistakes and grow from them, and find out through experience what it is in our lives that we want and don't want. Sometimes I wonder if parents remember what it was like when they were growing up. What did they do wrong that their parents disapproved of? What kind of fights did they get into? How did they deal with the transition in their 20s? Do they go to bed at night thinking, Damn, I can't believe how much I sound like my mother?

While I live at home with Mom and Dad, others are taking care of their children or their spouses, planning their weddings or buying their first home. Others are also still living with their parents, and some are still in school trying to finish their undergraduate education or attending grad school. Our age group is comprised of husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, students, and full-time workers. Just think about this hypothetical conversation four girls/women (I told you, it's weird for me!) have that is based on actual people who are between 22 and 25, who are in college or recently graduated within the past two years, and are clearly in different stages of their lives:

"I give up. There is no way I can afford a wedding. I think I should elope, or just do it at the courthouse. $20,000 is nowhere near enough for everything! I don't know how people do it. My fiance is too busy working to help me, even though he tries. $20,000! Is it even worth it? "

"I know how you feel, girl. My tuition is over $20,000 a year, and I'm not looking forward to paying back my loans. On top of that, I have to pay fees for my labs and books. I work like 30 hours at the bar to try to pay for school and other crap like my car. This all better be worth it!"

"Oh God, I don't even want to think about how I'm gonna get my daughter through school. By the time she turns 18, tuition is gonna be impossible to afford. I can't even buy what she wants now, and it's only like a $20 toy, but it's either feed her or let her play with a stupid talking doll. I had to yell at her for the first time because she wanted to go out and play, but it was raining."

"Yeah, I just got yelled at by my parents because I came home past 2 am the other night. And they mentioned how I didn't clean my room well enough. How do you handle it when your daughter wants to play outside but you don't want her to, or when she hasn't cleaned her room when you asked? Maybe you and my parents can get together and figure out the best way to deal with us kids."

Awkward?

"Let All That You Do Be in Love."

-1 Corinthians 16:14

I haven't actually read the Bible (at least not the whole thing). I found this verse written on a piece of glass at my grandmother's house. I don't take anything for granted, and I believe everything happens for a reason. I had visited my grandmother and my family in the Philippines last month because she (RIP) was sick in the hospital. Not only did her funeral impact me, but the 26 days there seriously changed my life. And now, this simple sentence is my new motivation in life.

I took a picture of that piece of glass, and it is the background on my phone. When I open my cell, it reminds me to do no harm, to do nothing bad that would compromise my character, and to remember to love everyone - enemies and all. When I get a phone call or text from someone I am trying to avoid for whatever reason, this quote helps me ignore anyone who is a negative influence on me.

I believe my grandmother is my guardian angel. I hadn't seen her since I was 11 or 12, and I am 23 now. Even before her death, since visiting the Philippines in 1997, whenever I did anything wrong, or thought about it, I always wondered how she'd feel and what she'd think of me, as if she were watching me. In some way, I've always felt connected to her, as if she was always there to keep me in check to ensure I don't disappoint her. I always had to keep reminding myself that she was still alive, that there was no way she would ever know what I was planning on doing, or what I had already done.

Now that she is in heaven, she's definitely watching. I really feel like she's guarding me from the situations I used to put myself in, or think about doing. I'm talking big and small situations - big ones I'd rather not mention, and small ones like whether or not to drink or get angry at someone or lie (that's not really small, depending on the circumstance). So now, whenever a situation is presented to me that I feel I should not involve myself in, I think about her, and I think about the verse: "Let all that you do be in love." And questions go through my mind: is it worth it? Is this something that is in love or that is kind? Will this benefit me or anyone else in any way? These questions stop me from a lot now, and I am so grateful for the visit to the Philippines. Not just because I was able to be with Lola (that's what we call grandmother in the Philippines) during her last two days, not just because I was able to see my family whom I haven't seen or spoken to in 11 years, but also because I found this verse, and I'm slowly beginning to realize what I need to do to live a positive life, and I'm moving toward a sense of inner peace.