I've been beaten, scraped, thrown around. I've failed miserably and committed costly mistakes. I've triumphed and succeeded, been the one who did the beatings. I have been on my knees more than I've been held up on a giant's shoulders. I have cried and frowned as equally as I have laughed and smiled. But don't dare doubt me. Life is trials and tribulations, but it isn't worth a damn thing if you don't fulfill your dreams despite all of the failure and filth.
When I say I can handle it, don't tell me I can't. And if you're right and I'm wrong, don't sweat it. I'll let it go.
When I say I want to go for it, don't tell me it's out of my reach. If you're right and I'm wrong, don't sweat it. I'll step back on my own accord.
If there was something that I could not do or would not be good for me, I wouldn't even try. So don't tell me what I can and cannot handle. And if I happen to be wrong, and you happen to be right, I'll deal with it. Move on with your life.
I would never refuse your advice. I will never disregard your opinion. I will, however, always stand by what I think is right, what I think would make my life worth living, and what I believe would do me good. I will always appreciate your care, love, support, faith, worries, criticism, and fears.
If I fail more than I succeed (and I know I will because that's life), and if the same mistake happens twice, put it all on me. There is nobody else who could be at fault for the things of which I try and fail. I'll take the blame, I'll own up, be responsible for my actions, and I'll still be living happily ever after. I'd hope you would do the same. After all, everything I do for myself and to myself affects me more than it could ever affect you.
Showing posts with label growing up. Show all posts
Showing posts with label growing up. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Sunday, July 12, 2009
2005?! Throwback?! WHAT?!?!
Radio has officially aged me too quickly.
On my way in to work this morning, I got all excited cause the radio was hyping up a throwback, and I like throwbacks. I'm thinkin, "Hmm, who could this possibly be?!"
Next thing I hear is, "Gotta stay fly-y-y-y-y-y-y." Damn. That came out in 2005 or 06. When I was in COLLEGE. Not too long ago. At all.
When I think throwback, I expect something that came out no later than 1996; anything after that is pushing it. Really pushing it. Just because it may not have been played in some time does not mean it should be called a throwback. When the DJ hypes up a throwback jam, one that will really bring us back, I don't expect anything after 2000. Come on now. Who really does?! Maybe I'm just in denial that time is going by quickly and songs that have been around for six or seven years are pretty old school already. I refuse to believe it.
When it comes to throwbacks that have come out within my lifetime of almost 24 years, I expect the DJ to be hyping up "One in a Million" Aaliyah, Brandy sittin up in her room, R. Kelly wanting to go half, Nastradamus, The Fugees, TLC creepin around, Wu-Tang, Dru Hill killing the "Rush Hour" soundtrack, Mary J. pre-boost in personal strength.
"Throwback" should not be laid on anything that hasn't been around for at least 10 years. The next time I hear "throwback" and something like "Virgo" or "Salt Shaker" plays, I'm not gonna feel bad for myself. I'm gonna feel bad for anyone older than me. Cause if Mr. DJ is calling songs from 2002-2006 throwbacks, I can't imagine how anyone born before 1985 must feel. I am so sorry.
On my way in to work this morning, I got all excited cause the radio was hyping up a throwback, and I like throwbacks. I'm thinkin, "Hmm, who could this possibly be?!"
Next thing I hear is, "Gotta stay fly-y-y-y-y-y-y." Damn. That came out in 2005 or 06. When I was in COLLEGE. Not too long ago. At all.
When I think throwback, I expect something that came out no later than 1996; anything after that is pushing it. Really pushing it. Just because it may not have been played in some time does not mean it should be called a throwback. When the DJ hypes up a throwback jam, one that will really bring us back, I don't expect anything after 2000. Come on now. Who really does?! Maybe I'm just in denial that time is going by quickly and songs that have been around for six or seven years are pretty old school already. I refuse to believe it.
When it comes to throwbacks that have come out within my lifetime of almost 24 years, I expect the DJ to be hyping up "One in a Million" Aaliyah, Brandy sittin up in her room, R. Kelly wanting to go half, Nastradamus, The Fugees, TLC creepin around, Wu-Tang, Dru Hill killing the "Rush Hour" soundtrack, Mary J. pre-boost in personal strength.
"Throwback" should not be laid on anything that hasn't been around for at least 10 years. The next time I hear "throwback" and something like "Virgo" or "Salt Shaker" plays, I'm not gonna feel bad for myself. I'm gonna feel bad for anyone older than me. Cause if Mr. DJ is calling songs from 2002-2006 throwbacks, I can't imagine how anyone born before 1985 must feel. I am so sorry.
Monday, June 22, 2009
So, What Do You Want to be When You Grow Up?
This question has plagued me since I was a child, probably around four years old. Here's a list of a few things I've thought about being since then (some more or less realistic than others...I'm sure you could figure out which is which!):
- Movie Director
- Novelist
- Fashion Designer
- Teacher
- Restaurant Owner
- Night Club Owner
- Astronaut
- Pro Basketball Player
- Ballerina
- Physical Therapist
- Obstetrician
- Archaeologist
- Psychologist
- Flight Attendant
- Photographer
- Newspaper Columnist
- Magazine Editor
- Pediatrician
The list is pretty all over the place, like I am now. There are a billion and one things I want to do, and I want more than one career path in my life because, to me, life is too short to settle on one type of job. I graduated college in 2008, but witnessing other people graduate recently has made me reflect on my own education and my future.
I loved being creative with the question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I dreamed big when I was younger, just as I do now. The only difference? I'm GROWN. So, now the question is, "What are you doing?" And I wish I could be as creative as I was when I was younger, able to just choose an answer out of thin air.
I am not saying I wasted my time in college. I am not saying I'm wasting my time now. I heard the warnings and the advice: have a game plan; if don't know what you want to do, you won't get anywhere. I thought I was following those words; I thought I knew what I wanted. I just don't know anymore.
I am not one to give up, and I am not one to be pessimistic. I just have a change of heart. It's wanting too much and not settling on just one thing for the time being. It's having commitment issues. I stayed with my Comm degree, but fluctuated on my second degree and my two minors until I settled with Comm and a Sociology minor. I spread myself too thin. I saw so many options, and I guess I became overwhelmed. I thought I wanted to do PR with a nonprofit organization. That is still my main focus. But there aren't too many opportunities out there. I know what I want, but yet I'm still confused? Maybe it's self-doubt, maybe it's the reality of our economy sinking in, or maybe I am always looking beyond, looking at what else is out there that I don't want to miss out on.
I am writing this because I know so many people who've just graduated or who've been out of college for like a year or two now. A lot of us are feeling this same way. Job searching is like a job in itself. Finding our place in society, making a name for ourselves, attempting to be real world adults...it looked so easy and effortless 20 years ago. Now we have people who are like me, going back to school to chase yet another dream, or to substitute the one they thought would get them to where they want to be. We've got people working jobs that they really hate. It sucks having to do something that only makes us feel worse, rather than being in a position in which we feel passionate and happy.
In time, things will always fall into place the way we want them to. We have to keep our heads up. We have to keep that determination, that fire, that spirit. We have to be tireless in our efforts. Even the most successful people tried and failed countless times, even though it seems like everything comes easy to them...
"The great Henry Aaron hit a home run 755 times in his career, but failed to do so almost 12,000 times." - John Szarkowski
Thursday, April 23, 2009
The 20s
The 20s are an awkward age. Girls and boys are between their youth and adulthood, depending on their maturity level, and I don't know about the rest of you early 20-somethings, but to call myself a woman sounds misleading. I'm reminded of that Britney Spears song I don't like but fits this post: "I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman." This is a time I am questioning where I fit in and how I'm supposed to act, and who and when I am supposed to listen or make my own decisions. Anyway, at this point in life, people are just graduating college, entering graduate school, finding a job, or getting married and having children (or vice versa, or just one or the other...let's be real here).
I find it pretty crazy how many people are getting married or are engaged while I still feel like a teenager who has to ask permission to leave my house (okay, I'm exaggerating just a little). But the whole point is, this is the time in one's life where adulthood begins to take shape, while at the same time, for some, they're still being supported and/or disciplined by their parents.
This is a tug-of-war decade of finding out how to take control of our lives without disrespecting our parents, without feeling like we don't care about their feelings, and all the while still getting by with their help from time to time. There has to come a time when we have to look out for ourselves and should be able to do what we want. Of course parents will be parents and worry about their children even when their grandkids reach their 20s. However, this is when we must learn responsibility, make mistakes and grow from them, and find out through experience what it is in our lives that we want and don't want. Sometimes I wonder if parents remember what it was like when they were growing up. What did they do wrong that their parents disapproved of? What kind of fights did they get into? How did they deal with the transition in their 20s? Do they go to bed at night thinking, Damn, I can't believe how much I sound like my mother?
While I live at home with Mom and Dad, others are taking care of their children or their spouses, planning their weddings or buying their first home. Others are also still living with their parents, and some are still in school trying to finish their undergraduate education or attending grad school. Our age group is comprised of husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, students, and full-time workers. Just think about this hypothetical conversation four girls/women (I told you, it's weird for me!) have that is based on actual people who are between 22 and 25, who are in college or recently graduated within the past two years, and are clearly in different stages of their lives:
"I give up. There is no way I can afford a wedding. I think I should elope, or just do it at the courthouse. $20,000 is nowhere near enough for everything! I don't know how people do it. My fiance is too busy working to help me, even though he tries. $20,000! Is it even worth it? "
"I know how you feel, girl. My tuition is over $20,000 a year, and I'm not looking forward to paying back my loans. On top of that, I have to pay fees for my labs and books. I work like 30 hours at the bar to try to pay for school and other crap like my car. This all better be worth it!"
"Oh God, I don't even want to think about how I'm gonna get my daughter through school. By the time she turns 18, tuition is gonna be impossible to afford. I can't even buy what she wants now, and it's only like a $20 toy, but it's either feed her or let her play with a stupid talking doll. I had to yell at her for the first time because she wanted to go out and play, but it was raining."
"Yeah, I just got yelled at by my parents because I came home past 2 am the other night. And they mentioned how I didn't clean my room well enough. How do you handle it when your daughter wants to play outside but you don't want her to, or when she hasn't cleaned her room when you asked? Maybe you and my parents can get together and figure out the best way to deal with us kids."
Awkward?
I find it pretty crazy how many people are getting married or are engaged while I still feel like a teenager who has to ask permission to leave my house (okay, I'm exaggerating just a little). But the whole point is, this is the time in one's life where adulthood begins to take shape, while at the same time, for some, they're still being supported and/or disciplined by their parents.
This is a tug-of-war decade of finding out how to take control of our lives without disrespecting our parents, without feeling like we don't care about their feelings, and all the while still getting by with their help from time to time. There has to come a time when we have to look out for ourselves and should be able to do what we want. Of course parents will be parents and worry about their children even when their grandkids reach their 20s. However, this is when we must learn responsibility, make mistakes and grow from them, and find out through experience what it is in our lives that we want and don't want. Sometimes I wonder if parents remember what it was like when they were growing up. What did they do wrong that their parents disapproved of? What kind of fights did they get into? How did they deal with the transition in their 20s? Do they go to bed at night thinking, Damn, I can't believe how much I sound like my mother?
While I live at home with Mom and Dad, others are taking care of their children or their spouses, planning their weddings or buying their first home. Others are also still living with their parents, and some are still in school trying to finish their undergraduate education or attending grad school. Our age group is comprised of husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, students, and full-time workers. Just think about this hypothetical conversation four girls/women (I told you, it's weird for me!) have that is based on actual people who are between 22 and 25, who are in college or recently graduated within the past two years, and are clearly in different stages of their lives:
"I give up. There is no way I can afford a wedding. I think I should elope, or just do it at the courthouse. $20,000 is nowhere near enough for everything! I don't know how people do it. My fiance is too busy working to help me, even though he tries. $20,000! Is it even worth it? "
"I know how you feel, girl. My tuition is over $20,000 a year, and I'm not looking forward to paying back my loans. On top of that, I have to pay fees for my labs and books. I work like 30 hours at the bar to try to pay for school and other crap like my car. This all better be worth it!"
"Oh God, I don't even want to think about how I'm gonna get my daughter through school. By the time she turns 18, tuition is gonna be impossible to afford. I can't even buy what she wants now, and it's only like a $20 toy, but it's either feed her or let her play with a stupid talking doll. I had to yell at her for the first time because she wanted to go out and play, but it was raining."
"Yeah, I just got yelled at by my parents because I came home past 2 am the other night. And they mentioned how I didn't clean my room well enough. How do you handle it when your daughter wants to play outside but you don't want her to, or when she hasn't cleaned her room when you asked? Maybe you and my parents can get together and figure out the best way to deal with us kids."
Awkward?
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