My photo
Ocean County, New Jersey, United States
Wife, mother, daughter, sister (by blood and sorority - Alpha Sigma Tau!), friend, Christian, Scorpio, writer, dreamer, optimist, failure, success, lost in my thoughts, ever changing, and always discovering more about myself. I aspire to be a published author - I'm like an emcee, and this blog is my mixtape.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Been a Long Time...

It's fitting to talk about the speed of life, considering I've been putting off writing a new post every day thinking it wouldn't be over a month until I would again. But it has been over a month. I started slacking on this around August, I think, and got caught up in my life. Things changed. I got a full time job. I'm moving into an apartment. I got engaged (had to find a way to throw this in the post somehow!). I think people tend to put things off thinking that they'll get whatever it is they gotta do done within a certain time period without a problem. Then time just slips away. I don't know if I would call this procrastinating necessarily, just prioritizing, I guess. But I've realized if this is prioritizing, then I'm pretty screwed up about what I think is most important to do in life.

We tend to lose sight of the big picture when we're caught up in the pieces rather than the whole of the puzzle. Yeah, I had to highlight that because sometimes I get kinda conceited and proud of the stuff my brain puts together. We all wanna show off sometimes. Anyway, aside from that, it is a good point. It's been said that you cannot be motivated to do anything if you don't know where you're going. It's like driving and only looking at the car in front of you. You'll get side swiped when you don't notice the idiot next to you trying to switch lanes who also doesn't see you because he or she is too busy focusing on one thing rather than the road as a whole.

The puzzle pieces of my life include but are not limited to: education, bills, work, socializing, working out, buying stuff. The whole of the puzzle is: making sure I'm healthy, successful, and that everyone in my life, including me, is happy. When we start to get bored commuting to and from work, that's us letting the whole puzzle picture slip from our minds. When we choose parties over going to bed early enough to wake up to get errands done, that's us saying, "F*** you, puzzle picture. I want my fun," when in reality, depending on the importance of the errands, we could be screwing ourselves over, and inevitably, the fun wouldn't have been worth it after all. It's short-term happiness overriding long-term happiness. We forget our purpose when we trivialize our everyday routine and start to complain about it or put stupid little things ahead of what actually matters. I'm not saying don't have your fun. I'm saying get your life in order so that you can have your fun and fulfill your overall reason for living. There are countless stories of workaholics who put their families to the side, practically kick them to the curb, in order to earn a promotion or complete a task well before deadline. Nice job, you've won but your family life sucks. You're not married to your boss (well, you might be, but you see what I'm getting at). Who are you more faithful to, a higher-up you're sucking up to for like 10 cents more on a paycheck, or the man or woman who is at home waiting to finally see you at the end of a long day?

Not trying to sound like a self-help book, but put into perspective how your puzzle pieces affect the whole picture. How do the little things add up to one whole? Are the little pieces worth it? Are you able to have every piece, no matter how big or small, fit into your life? Do you consider yourself happy overall?

If you could look at yourself naked in a mirror while eating and not want to cry, then you're happy with your body. That's kinda like life. If you could strip away the parties, alcohol, drugs, anything materialistic like a flat screen or a closet full of clothes, anything God would consider "worldly" possessions, and not feel alone or unimportant, then you're truly happy with yourself.

Step back and think about what you do daily. Think about the importance of everything you do. Don't forget that even though bumper to bumper traffic is hell in the morning, the road you're on is leading you to where you need to be for a reason. Be able to smile about it.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Wardrobe Wish List

Once in a while I think materialistically (thank you, Capitalism!). My birthday is next month, but if that's too soon for you, I can wait until Christmas morning for these…

I LOVE shopping Dr. Jay’s. I already feel like the happiest girl in the world, but with the following items, that feeling would just escalate and I’d feel like the queen of the universe (I might be exaggerating):

I wear a lot of black and white, and with the right pair of jeans, I could make a kick ass outfit with
these Baby Phat sneakers.

Owning sky high boots would be a dream come true, and with the embellishment in the back and the hint of red,
these Apple Bottoms are a stand-out.

In my opinion, Ecko Red is a hit or miss brand, especially when it comes to footwear. However, with the Apple Bottom boots listed above…
this dress would make me feel on top of the world.

Now, moving on from Dr. Jay’s …

I’ve fallen in love with the entire Victoria’s Secret coat collection, but I can't have it all. I get cold easily, so the one I’d choose would be like
wearing summer in December (preferably in hot chocolate or black).

I really like hoodies and I’m feeling
this one from Mandee.

I don’t like traditional clean denim skirts, so
this one from Hollister fits me perfectly.

I went to the Cache website and BAM! found
this halter top, which I really like because this color goes well with my skin tone.

So, I guess that ends the wardrobe wish list…no wait. I've been craving Air Forces for the longest. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed a little glimpse into my taste and style, and I especially hope I gave you plenty of ideas for items you can either wrap up and send over to me by Oct. 25th or place under my Christmas tree exactly two months later.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

A Letter

My Dearly Beloved Yet Hated,

Pay attention and read carefully...

I hate how you make me so weary and tired, bulldozing me with some pretty damn difficult situations. I try to do the right thing, yet it doesn't seem to please or appease you. You just keep coming at me hard.

I hate the way you make me feel inadequate at times, questioning my confidence, my sincerity, and my motives. I do my best to give my all, but more often than not I've been a failure to you.

Just when I think everything is running smoothly and finally going my way, all of a sudden you throw something at me that ruins my plans or sets me back, and I hate that about you. It's almost like you don't think I deserve to be successful or have things go right.

I hate how you make it hard for me to do what I want. Why can't I just have my fun? Why must it be all work and no play most days? My plate could only be so full, and once in a while, I need some relaxation, and I'd appreciate some alone time.

As much as I hate what you do, I love the little surprises you give me that do nothing but make me smile. Even though you hurt me at times, you make up for it by doing things that make me feel blessed and truly appreciative of you.

I love how you make me feel good about myself. You make me feel so accomplished and able to tackle anything that comes my way. You've given me all that I have ever needed to go after what I want and overcome the bad things that find their way to me once in a while.

I love all of the people I have met through you, and all of the experiences that could not have been possible without you. I have had so much fun so far, and you've given me unforgettable memories. I'm looking forward to more.

So Life, read this carefully. I am so grateful to have you, the entire package, good and bad. Because if it were not for the bad, I wouldn't know how good I've got it. Life, for as long as you're around, this is going to be a love/hate battle. But I am the one who is really in control of this fight, and you will not defeat me.

I hate what you have done to me, but I love the person you are helping me become. Thank you for everything.


Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Sorority Life

It's indescribable.

The saying goes, "It's not four years, it's for life." And it is so true.

I graduated in '08 and whenever I go to see my sisters or go to an event, my parents always say, "Isn't that over? You're still in that sorority?" They don't understand the "for life" concept too well. Then again, a lot of non-Greeks don't understand Greek life too well.

It's not about the parties, the drinking, or "buying your friends." As a matter of fact, something I will never forget is my recruitment in Fall 2006. One of my future sorority sisters stood in front of us Greek wannabes and said, "Whenever anyone tells me that I've paid for my friends, I always say that if it's true, then I didn't pay enough."

Sisterhood is priceless, especially mine. I am a proud sister of Alpha Sigma Tau, Gamma Chi chapter. We fight like family, and just as equally, we're there for one another as if we truly are blood. Non-Greeks criticize us so much, but they will never understand how precious sorority life actually is. How, no matter the time of day, when a sister needs help, a sister is there to provide it. What's special about my sorority is that we're all there for one another, whether we pledged in 1998 or 2008. The majority of us keep in contact with each other, even sisters who didn't attend college at the same time.

Of course, there are sororities and fraternities out there that give Greek life the bad reputation it has, otherwise the rumors and criticisms wouldn't exist. However, there are so many more that live by their ideals, that defend their creeds, and live daily the true meaning of Greek life.

I just felt the need to explain how amazing it is to be a sister of Alpha Sigma Tau because there are too many people out there who associate sororities as being slutty, drunken, bitchy messes that seclude themselves from the rest of the world.

Even though those types may be out there ... we are not that sorority, and I guarantee, you'll find more that aren't that way than those that are. And we don't criticize or make fun of you for not being in a sorority or fraternity, so why talk bad about us for being in one?

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Politeness Goes a Long Way

One small word put a huge smile on my face: ma'am.

I have a [soon-to-be-over] part-time office job that receives heavy volumes of phone calls practically every day. We get all kinds of phone calls ranging from complaints to weird questions, and some people are nice while others are straight up pissed off. In a string of bland phone calls that required me to answer the same question a gazillion times, I got one man on the other end who said, "Thank you, ma'am," when the conversation ended. Immediately, I thought of older people who demand being called sir or ma'am out of respect, and now I see why. It really does make you feel important and respected. I could go on about people demanding respect rather than working to earn it, so I'll save that aspect of this for another day, maybe.

A smile crossed my face basically subconsciously. I could tell by the voice that this man was older than me, yet he didn't treat me like a child, and believe me, not only do I still look 15, but I sound it too, especially over the phone. That one word made my entire day for some reason. Maybe it's because I don't often hear people address each other with such kindness. I feel like it is so rare these days that it's almost antiquated, and honestly...when I hear sir or ma'am, an image instantly crosses my mind: a black and white sitcom from the early ages of television, when kids were too scared not to finish a sentence without either one of those words when speaking to an adult. I know I don't use it, but I also wasn't raised to, not to say my parents didn't teach me to be polite because they did. However, I feel like times are evolving to the point where it's not common to hear those words anymore.

And I kinda like it like that...I like that time is evolving and that there are still little things in life that could brighten someone's day because it isn't always experienced. Because if I did hear it often, it probably wouldn't have affected me like it did. I would've taken it for granted, and maybe would've even felt offended if he hadn't said it.

It's the rare things in life that you treasure the most, no matter how big or small it is, no matter if it was done to purposely put a smile on your face or not.

This has inspired me to start another blog. Every day, or as often as I can, I will write about one little thing that affected me in a positive way. I think you'd be surprised what small things make me smile, or make me think, and generally just make me happy. I'll keep you posted, if you'd be interested.

Friday, August 14, 2009

mindXposed Quote of the Week

"How long a minute is, depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on. " - Zall's Second Law

It's been a while since I've posted, so I thought it was fitting to search a quote about time. I am at this point in my life where everything is starting to fall into place, and in some people's eyes, it all may be too good to be true. But it is. And I couldn't be happier or feel more blessed!

Time's really funny, and it is relative in a sense that, depending on what you are waiting for or what you are doing, real-time 60 minutes could feel like two hours. A day could feel like weeks when you're waiting for something or someone to come. Weeks feel like months, months like years, you get it.

On the flip side, time storms by so quickly that one day you pause, stare at your calendar and think, "Damn, August 14 already? June felt like yesterday!"

Time is very valuable, and depending on how you live your life, it can feel fast or slow. In reality, time moves at a rigid and set pace. We cannot stretch a minute to be longer than it is. It is what it is. Sixty seconds. We may feel it goes by slowly in the doctor's waiting room or during the last 15 minutes of work...but it's not. It's sixty seconds. One minute. That's it. 2+2=4 no matter how long you stare at it. 60 seconds = 1 minute no matter how fast or slow it seemed to have gone.

Time is precious, and I'm learning to have a sense of urgency in my life because it is going by very quickly. I will never forget what my dentist told me when I was entering ninth grade. He had said that high school will fly by, but after that, time goes even faster. I was hoping he'd be wrong because this is my youth and my younger years. I don't want to wake up one day at 40 years old, wondering how I got there so fast.

How do you "slow down" time? How could you let it linger a little longer so that you can do everything you need and want to do?

I've heard "life is short" countless times, and it is now just sinking in that it's more than just a's the truth. I don't want to put anything off for another day. Because once you push something back, you keep pushing it and pushing it back to the point where it may not even be that important to you anymore. I say this a lot, but I don't want to miss out. I don't want to look back and think, "Why couldn't I be like Nike and just do it?"

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Super Powers

If I had x-ray vision, I'd be able to see right through guys' pockets and their wallets. That way I could tell my girls who to talk to when they'd be in the club seeking out who'd have no problem spending on them for the night.

If I could read minds I'd be sleeping better at night. And a better night's sleep would lead to a more relaxing day, and a more relaxing day would prevent wrinkles, and I don't need to ever be looking old, even when I am old. I don't want my face to ever show my true age. Also, I'd creep people out and say exactly what they're thinking. All of a sudden a lot of people would start thinking I have so much in common with them it's unbelievable.

If I could be invisible, I'd be the biggest stalker and thief that no one's ever heard of. I'd be on shows like "Cheaters" and help police with stuff like drug busts. Then I'd be going through people's houses and stealing things right out from under them. Ever feel like someone's watching you? Don't you hate when you put something in a specific spot, and next thing you know, it's not there and you can't find it anywhere else? My money's on the invisible stalking thief playing mind games, making you feel all creeped out and moving objects, watching and laughing as you search all over the place, swearing up and down you put that thing in that spot.

If I had the speed of lightning, cops wouldn't be able to catch me. Not that I do much that'd get me in trouble with them to begin with. But maybe if I did have that type of speed I'd do some damage just because I know I'd get away with it. Actually, I'd use the speed for good and maybe help cops out when they're on high speed chases, or when they have to be somewhere fast in an emergency. That way, I'd be on their good side and when I do illegal activity (not that I do) they'd let me slide because of all my good deeds on their behalf.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

I Like John Mayer, But...

"Waiting on the World to Change" is the most frustrating song. He mentions that people pretty much feel powerless against world leaders. If we were powerless, Mr. Mayer, we wouldn't be a democracy and other countries would not be striving to have our government's structure. I'm not big on politics, but I do know that the US citizens can mobilize for change, and we freakin better not be waiting on the world. Gandhi, and most recently President Obama, said it themselves...we must be the ones to provoke the change. The here and now is us. We cannot wait because tomorrow is not promised.

Picasso said it best: "Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone."

Are you willing to wait until change happens, risking even more suffering and turmoil for our future generations? If you are one of those people who think that the future doesn't matter anyway because you won't be here for it...this is what I have to say to that: YO, THIS WORLD IS NOT ABOUT YOU. OTHERWISE, IT'D END WHEN YOU DIE. But it goes on, buddy, and it will long after you're six feet under. We're not on Earth solely to fulfill our individual needs; otherwise, coexisting wouldn't be necessary.

That's just my rant for the morning. Man, John Mayer, you kinda lost my respect, unless I'm misinterpreting the song.

Anyway, have a good day people and think on this.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Don't Doubt Me

I've been beaten, scraped, thrown around. I've failed miserably and committed costly mistakes. I've triumphed and succeeded, been the one who did the beatings. I have been on my knees more than I've been held up on a giant's shoulders. I have cried and frowned as equally as I have laughed and smiled. But don't dare doubt me. Life is trials and tribulations, but it isn't worth a damn thing if you don't fulfill your dreams despite all of the failure and filth.

When I say I can handle it, don't tell me I can't. And if you're right and I'm wrong, don't sweat it. I'll let it go.

When I say I want to go for it, don't tell me it's out of my reach. If you're right and I'm wrong, don't sweat it. I'll step back on my own accord.

If there was something that I could not do or would not be good for me, I wouldn't even try. So don't tell me what I can and cannot handle. And if I happen to be wrong, and you happen to be right, I'll deal with it. Move on with your life.

I would never refuse your advice. I will never disregard your opinion. I will, however, always stand by what I think is right, what I think would make my life worth living, and what I believe would do me good. I will always appreciate your care, love, support, faith, worries, criticism, and fears.

If I fail more than I succeed (and I know I will because that's life), and if the same mistake happens twice, put it all on me. There is nobody else who could be at fault for the things of which I try and fail. I'll take the blame, I'll own up, be responsible for my actions, and I'll still be living happily ever after. I'd hope you would do the same. After all, everything I do for myself and to myself affects me more than it could ever affect you.

Monday, July 20, 2009

The Road of Life

You might like speeding down the road with no regard to the law, your hair dancing in the wind.
You might like a nice joy ride with a mountainous scenic view, your digital camera ready to capture the moment.
You might like cruising through the streets with small-town charm, waving at pedestrians and children on bicycles.

Life is Main Street, and however fast, slow, or medium your pace is as you journey through, you've got to fit the scene to your liking.

The speed of your life is in your control; the length of the road, with all its smooth and bumpy turns, has already been paved for you. Life as a road is an analogy often used because, well, it works and it's on point.

If you compare life to a road, picture the speed bumps as minor setbacks or upsets such as accidentally missing a bill payment or losing out on a promotion. Like a speed bump, you have to maneuver your way through -- not around -- these obstacles. They cannot be ignored. But hey, speed bumps are minor and eventually you're over them.

A fender bender is like finding out your teenage daughter is pregnant or that you are about to lose your house. Your car is bent out of shape for the time being, but with attention and care, it revs back up. It's not life-threatening, it might make your head ache a little, but after all is said, done, and paid, you learn to smile again and move on.

A car crash is like discovering a loved one has cancer or you've become handicapped and bound to a wheelchair for life. It's devestating but you lived through the crash. As a result, you have to make small changes and learn how to deal with your new lifestyle, just as your cancer-stricken friend has to. You survived the crash, now it's time to figure out how to recover. You can't change what's happened.

Life is a not a smooth road; nobody promised it would be. As I said before, the length of the road is not in your hands, it has already been paved. Even with its speed bumps, fender benders, and crashes, you're alive and you have to take it one day at a time.

No matter what happens in your life, you've got to realize you can survive it all. Setbacks are just that...things that end up slowing down your speed a little. Your life isn't over, and there's a reason it's not, so don't go ruining it by walking around feeling sorry for yourself. The night always ends and the dawn always breaks through.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Title's Not Important

The only thing you need to know about life is that there are no limitations to it.

Living by expectations guarantees more disappointment than satisfaction.

Having fear and living with pure faith is the only impossiblity of life.

Impressing others with your material "value" will only make people resent you more.

There is more than one road to your fate, and no matter which way you choose, you will end up exactly where you were meant to be.

Everyone and everything come into your life on purpose.

Ignorance is bliss only for those who choose not to be educated, who choose not to care.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

2005?! Throwback?! WHAT?!?!

Radio has officially aged me too quickly.

On my way in to work this morning, I got all excited cause the radio was hyping up a throwback, and I like throwbacks. I'm thinkin, "Hmm, who could this possibly be?!"

Next thing I hear is, "Gotta stay fly-y-y-y-y-y-y." Damn. That came out in 2005 or 06. When I was in COLLEGE. Not too long ago. At all.

When I think throwback, I expect something that came out no later than 1996; anything after that is pushing it. Really pushing it. Just because it may not have been played in some time does not mean it should be called a throwback. When the DJ hypes up a throwback jam, one that will really bring us back, I don't expect anything after 2000. Come on now. Who really does?! Maybe I'm just in denial that time is going by quickly and songs that have been around for six or seven years are pretty old school already. I refuse to believe it.

When it comes to throwbacks that have come out within my lifetime of almost 24 years, I expect the DJ to be hyping up "One in a Million" Aaliyah, Brandy sittin up in her room, R. Kelly wanting to go half, Nastradamus, The Fugees, TLC creepin around, Wu-Tang, Dru Hill killing the "Rush Hour" soundtrack, Mary J. pre-boost in personal strength.

"Throwback" should not be laid on anything that hasn't been around for at least 10 years. The next time I hear "throwback" and something like "Virgo" or "Salt Shaker" plays, I'm not gonna feel bad for myself. I'm gonna feel bad for anyone older than me. Cause if Mr. DJ is calling songs from 2002-2006 throwbacks, I can't imagine how anyone born before 1985 must feel. I am so sorry.

Monday, July 6, 2009

My Wishes...

  • To have fast forward and rewind buttons just to live and relive the good parts of my life.
  • To see every bit of this world.
  • To forever be entertained by the stupidity of other people...and myself, from time to time.
  • To share my creativity with the world, or at least the world of people who like to read.
  • To live luxuriously without succumbing to materialism.
  • To never be late again to anywhere because I've misplaced my keys or cell phone.
  • To give people a reason to smile and have hope.
  • To see change that we have all worked for together.
  • To hold a baby without being afraid he or she will move uncontrollably and fall out of my arms.
  • To literally and spiritually feed those who are empty.
  • To have the strength and courage not to crumble under the hardest circumstances.
  • To be able to eat anything and everything without gaining weight or risking heart disease.
  • To be able to sing and dance like no one is watching, completely sober.
  • To bring the undead back to life (catch my drift?).
  • To live 100 percent by faith.
  • To be able to retell a joke without screwing up.

Friday, July 3, 2009

mindXposed Quote of the Week

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

We all want to keep our images straight, hoping that people understand us and know who we truly are. However, sometimes the people we care about give us advice, or see us differently than how we see ourselves, and that's a conflict.

We metaphorically stunt our growth when we take into consideration what people think of us and make decisions based on how they feel rather than on how we feel. For instance, say you grew up playing a sport, and you're really into it. However, Mom and Dad think you'll be better off playing a different sport. You grow up not knowing just how great you could have been in the sport you love more than anything because you gave it up to do something else that did not suit you in order to keep them happy. Or you're not the drinking type, but you go to a party where everyone is liquored up. You don't want to be an outcast, so despite yourself, you get down with the party.

I could go on with examples, but I don't feel like it and you get the idea, I'm sure. There are millions I could go over, big and small. It ain't easy living up to your own expectations when the people you care about most have their own expectations of you, and they let it be known loud and clear that they don't like what you're doing, or they think you can do something they believe is better for you, even though you're content and you're not hurting anybody or yourself. Even the strongest people falter in order to make others happy, sacrificing what they want in order to keep their reputations right, or to keep up an "appearance" that they want others to see them as.

In this world, Emerson is straight up correct, being true to yourself takes work and is a serious accomplishment.

Mistakes Can Be Blessings

We all stumble. We all swear up and down that we will not screw up.

But sometimes sh** happens, and it happens for a reason. Maybe what we view as a mistake is actually not a's something God divinely set into our lives. Mistakes can be blessings. Like, for instance, you get into a car accident because you made the mistake of not checking all mirrors before changing lanes. But that mistake ends up being a blessing in disguise because now you've learned to be more careful. Or maybe you've made the mistake of telling your friend something that's been bothering you, but you didn't want to tell her. You thought it'd hurt her feelings, but...blessing in disguise. Your slip of the tongue put your friend in check, and now she's corrected her fault.

Don't look at mistakes as errors that you wish did not happen. God puts into place everything in our lives for a reason...mistakes and all. If God put you to it, He can get you through it. Have faith in yourself like He does.

Monday, June 22, 2009

So, What Do You Want to be When You Grow Up?

This question has plagued me since I was a child, probably around four years old. Here's a list of a few things I've thought about being since then (some more or less realistic than others...I'm sure you could figure out which is which!):

  • Movie Director
  • Novelist
  • Fashion Designer
  • Teacher
  • Restaurant Owner
  • Night Club Owner
  • Astronaut
  • Pro Basketball Player
  • Ballerina
  • Physical Therapist
  • Obstetrician
  • Archaeologist
  • Psychologist
  • Flight Attendant
  • Photographer
  • Newspaper Columnist
  • Magazine Editor
  • Pediatrician

The list is pretty all over the place, like I am now. There are a billion and one things I want to do, and I want more than one career path in my life because, to me, life is too short to settle on one type of job. I graduated college in 2008, but witnessing other people graduate recently has made me reflect on my own education and my future.

I loved being creative with the question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I dreamed big when I was younger, just as I do now. The only difference? I'm GROWN. So, now the question is, "What are you doing?" And I wish I could be as creative as I was when I was younger, able to just choose an answer out of thin air.

I am not saying I wasted my time in college. I am not saying I'm wasting my time now. I heard the warnings and the advice: have a game plan; if don't know what you want to do, you won't get anywhere. I thought I was following those words; I thought I knew what I wanted. I just don't know anymore.

I am not one to give up, and I am not one to be pessimistic. I just have a change of heart. It's wanting too much and not settling on just one thing for the time being. It's having commitment issues. I stayed with my Comm degree, but fluctuated on my second degree and my two minors until I settled with Comm and a Sociology minor. I spread myself too thin. I saw so many options, and I guess I became overwhelmed. I thought I wanted to do PR with a nonprofit organization. That is still my main focus. But there aren't too many opportunities out there. I know what I want, but yet I'm still confused? Maybe it's self-doubt, maybe it's the reality of our economy sinking in, or maybe I am always looking beyond, looking at what else is out there that I don't want to miss out on.

I am writing this because I know so many people who've just graduated or who've been out of college for like a year or two now. A lot of us are feeling this same way. Job searching is like a job in itself. Finding our place in society, making a name for ourselves, attempting to be real world looked so easy and effortless 20 years ago. Now we have people who are like me, going back to school to chase yet another dream, or to substitute the one they thought would get them to where they want to be. We've got people working jobs that they really hate. It sucks having to do something that only makes us feel worse, rather than being in a position in which we feel passionate and happy.

In time, things will always fall into place the way we want them to. We have to keep our heads up. We have to keep that determination, that fire, that spirit. We have to be tireless in our efforts. Even the most successful people tried and failed countless times, even though it seems like everything comes easy to them...

"The great Henry Aaron hit a home run 755 times in his career, but failed to do so almost 12,000 times." - John Szarkowski

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Yo, Eminem is SO ON POINT.

For those who hate reading long entries, or reading at all, I bolded the parts that really matter. Maybe by reading the bold parts you'll want to read the rest. Ha, that's funny.

[Damn, I just realized I bolded like all of it. I guess all of it matters. Oh well. READ.]

"I am whatever you say I am." Dude, that is so true. F what you heard. Rap music, especially Em, rattles your bones and just forces you to think. It's not about being blinged out and driving fancy cars. It's not like other music that's only about falling in and out of love. It's not just about getting drunk and high, then hitting a club and bring b****** home. It talks about some real ill sh**, things that I can't relate to because I didn't grow up anywhere near the streets and because I do not have a hard knock life so far, but still... it's the best kind of music because it's like reading a book, listening to a story. We don't necessarily read a book or watch a movie because we can relate to it. If anything, the stuff we don't know about intrigues us the most, hence why we like watching horror films or sci-fi flicks. Like, hello, does that have anything to do with your life? Nah, it doesn't it. And rap music for the most part has nothing to do with mine, but I love it because the raw energy and emotions are deep, the words get you thinking about how you react to life and certain situations, and that is what music is all about. You know what, I can relate to some of it, obviously, otherwise Eminem would have nothing to do with this entry. Uh duh. That's why I say give everything and everyone a chance because you'll never know what you'll learn.

Anyway, this entry really has nothing to do with rap, or music at all, but if you read the section to the left, I warned you about tangents. So deal like we're playing cards. Word. You like that on-the-spot analogy? I can be quick with it, see? Here I go again, let me stop.

SO, for the real part of this entry (cause the whole part before this was fake)...

Yo, Eminem is SO ON POINT. Yeah, I said it twice for emphasis. And it's half in caps, so I must mean business. For all of you who don't know why Eminem is being brought up, check his lyrics to "The Way I Am." Anyway, I got to thinking about who I am from the outside looking in. Like, I know me, for the most part, and I say for the most part because I always surprise myself with the things that I do, and I am still a work-in-progress project and won't know who I am completely until my last breath when I can finally say, "I AM DONE" because God says I am.

I don't normally care about how people judge me. Actually, I do care because I don't want to be hated. Anyway, what I am trying to finally get to saying is... (wow, that was a mouthful) who the hell am I TO YOU?! I know who I am to me. I am not too mean, not too nice, I am somewhere in the middle. I'm not too fat, not too thin, I am just right. And people like just right, right? Think Goldilocks, even though she's not a real person, she's fake like the first half of this post.

Now think of "The Way I Am" (Goldilocks...Eminem...only I could bring these two together). Anyway, it essentially does not matter what I think about me. What matters is what others think about me. It's because how people perceive me is who I am TO THEM. That's how we get along or not, that's how we are friends or enemies. People don't like you because of who YOU think you are. They like you (or dislike you) for who THEY think you are. Make sense? I know it's a crazy jungle of jumbled words, but bear with me. This ish is getting deeper than I thought! Remember when I said I surprise myself? This entry is one of them moments. And I'm glad to share the experience with you all on the World Wide Web.

So, like Eminem points out, I am whatever you say I am. That's just life. It is whatever you think it is. We are nothing but a bundle of someone's thought process, if that makes any sense. We're just a perception. And I'm feeling like I'm in my freshman year of Intro to Philosophy.

I am what you thought I was in high school. I am what you thought I was in college. I am what you think I am through this blog. But is that truly me? Is that really who I am? To you it is, and I can't really control that, I can just hope you see me in a positive light.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

It's the Little Things in Life That Make Me Smile, Such As...

  1. Realizing that someone has Verizon when they text me!
  2. Getting new mail, texts, or e-mail. I don't really know how to explain why.
  3. Finding a new way home from work that cuts my driving time in half (it's rough working at the beach when it gets mad crowded on Routes 37 and 571...what you know about that, Jersey?!).
  4. A book that I could actually finish because it's actually good (currently reading Single Wife and I highly recommend it!).
  5. Finding good deals on CDs and DVDs on and you'll know why).
  6. Finding long lost lip gloss and eye liner pens, the top two things that I consistently lose.
  7. Seeing little kids out with their grandparents. For some reason, that image is just sooo adorable to me!
  8. Sarcastic one liners.
  9. Someone I don't know holding the door open for me.
  10. Seeing other people smile.
  11. Finding the perfect shoes to go with a dress within 30 minutes of having to wear the outfit.
  12. Sunny days amidst weeks of rain.
  13. Butterflies.
  14. Catching a good movie right at the beginning while flipping through the channels.
  15. Positive human interest stories in the paper.
  16. Running into people I've been friends with in the past whom (who? this always confuses me!) I haven't seen in a while.
  17. Monster Energy drink. I'm a self-diagnosed narcoleptic, and I'm hooked on the extra big size to keep me awake while hanging out with people and watching movies (warning: I doze off on couches; it doesn't matter how many people are or who's around!).
  18. Someone letting me into their lane when I'm merging.
  19. Hearing a song on the radio that I haven't heard in years (just the other day I heard Blaque's "Bring It All to Me," which brought me back!).
  20. My warm bed!
  21. Getting a good work out.
  22. Waking up to (a good) breakfast already made.
  23. Discovering a good radio station.
  24. People I don't know saying hello and being polite to me.
  25. Hearing other people laugh because they're genuinely happy.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

The Truth Floats Like a Butterfly, Stings Like a Bee

Let's get real here...

Truth is, you just can't sing.
Truth is, you do need to lose a couple of pounds.
Truth is, you're being controlled by your man.
Truth is, she'll never want to be with you.

Let's not string each other along just to keep each other happy. That's how we end up with so many tears on American Idol from people who can't carry a note if it was in a brown paper bag, but have been convinced that they're the next big thing. That's how we end up with people, who don't realize how big they are, running around in clothes three times too small (I'm not talking about people who are proud of their curves and wear clothes to accentuate them...I'm talking about the straight delusional!). That's how we end up with women who have been lied to, being told that their man is a good catch when everyone knows she's the dummy to his ventriloquist act. That's how we end up with people who chase the ones they love anywhere and everywhere until they're out of breath because the ones being chased don't want to hurt their feelings.

We don't have to be mean to tell the truth, but damn son...the truth must be told somehow! There are people out their who would rather walk on egg shells to keep a smile on someone's face rather than speak up about an issue they have with a person. Confrontation does not always lead to conflict. It can, however, and it should, lead to a resolution.

Sometimes we know the truth but it is just sooo effing hard to face that we become dishonest with ourselves. We convince ourselves that it's better to live a lie than to confront ourselves. We do know what's up, that there needs to be a change, but some of us need others to point that out and to point us in the proper direction. Some of us are too weak to face the truth even though we are very aware of what it is.

Here's something I've learned, even though it may be common sense and might come naturally to facing the truth and really working on yourself to improve your life, you eliminate so much of the stress and headache of trying to live with that bad demon, the lurking shadow, the cloudy overcast. The truth is the light.

Sometimes it's not this serious, like the thing about singing. Sometimes we just really are convinced of something that just isn't true. But it's those things that we should just laugh about and roll off our shoulders.

None of us lead perfect lives and once in a while we gotta put each other in check...but gently. Otherwise, we may be seeing more people signing record deals who are overweight, wearing extra tight clothes, and do not have any business being played on the radio.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

"Would You Like Fries With That?"

It irritates me when I hear people making fun of others who are working at fast food restaurants, or as janitors, when they themselves don't have work. They're waving their rolled up college degrees tied with pretty ribbon like wands hoping to make magic happen. A college degree doesn't mean anything unless you make it worth something. Congratulations! You've completed 128 credits. Now what? College does not guarantee success, even though it is a valuable key to it.

By the way, I am a proud college graduate, but I have humbled myself in this world of layoffs and hiring freezes. Graduating does not necessarily automatically make you a baller. Yes, it gives you an upper hand. Hell yeah it's an advantage. But baller status? Think again. You still gotta climb that ladder before you hit the three letters C, E, and O. You may find yourself competing with someone who has a lesser degree. You might even be competing with someone without a degree who jumped onto that corporate ladder at the lowest of the lowest of the rungs and now gained more experience than you did while your were studying for final exams year in and year out.

You'll also find people who did not spend thousands of dollars on a college degree who are banking crazy amounts of money. Their secret? Their mind. And guess what? You've got one of those too. Really utilize the most powerful tool God placed in your body. It works wonders.

Life, as it is usually compared to, is a game of cards. Play your hand well, and like Sister Souljah points out in The Coldest Winter Ever, play that hand close to your chest. The hand you've been dealt is the choices you've been offered, and just as you calculate your next move in a game, you need to calculate precisely the next step in your life. Your education level does not mean anything unless you make moves. Like in poker, even if you have a winning hand, it means nothing if you don't take the risk and make those bets.

Long story short, don't pass up opportunities because you've got your eye on that high prize. Success comes in taking the small steps and learning from the bottom up in order to reach the top, not by leaping in bounds without any type of understanding. People respect those who have been around longer and worked their way up because they know more since they've been there and done that. They don't want some snotty college kid in a management position when he doesn't even know what it's like to hold a job of the "little people."

Am I making any sense?

With the world in the state that it's in, be glad you're being offered jobs. And if you're not being offered anything, you're just not trying hard enough. Point blank. That degree, no matter what it's in or what level it is at, is not going to work for you. You have to make it work.

This is my hard lesson learned, and I just thought I'd share it with you. I've been out of college a year and have yet to hold a job that requires a degree. Am I mad? No. "Change, it comes eventually," Lauryn Hill puts it. I am working at my life because that's the only thing we can do. The definition of work is energy, and to let up on that would make you weak. I may be physically weak, but I am mentally tough. I am not here to brag, and I am sure as hell not here to teach you all how to be tough because I am in no position to do any of that. You'll have to learn elsewhere how to be strong. You won't find answers in this blog.

But please don't disrespect the 40-year-old men and women asking customers if they'd like fries and a Coke to go along with their cheeseburgers. They're in the right business right now. That dollar menu is highly desirable at a time when people are pinching their pennies.

Friday, May 29, 2009

mindXposed Quote of the Week

"A person hears only what they understand." - Goethe

When it comes to listening to other people, we hear words but often twist them in our minds so that we comprehend those words in the best way we can understand. Sometimes we don't realize that we've twisted what was said into a different definition. Hence, arguments, wars, discrepancies, misunderstanding, miscommunication, etc.

It isn't that a person is ignorant or stupid and can't understand what's been said. It's just that how we've been brought up and what we've experienced influences what we hear. That's why racism and sexism exist. Actually, racism only exists in the minds of people who think coming from separate countries determines superiority. Sexism only exists in the minds of people who think what's between our legs determines who is the better sex. We live by what we best understand, by our beliefs, and by our personal levels of knowledge. We all grow up with our own sets of values, and oftentimes that is why we can't comprehend other people's behavior. "Good" and "bad" is arguable because we define things differently.

Goethe's one sentence basically summarizes how our world works, and how our minds disrupt and prevent peace.

Thursday, May 28, 2009


I believe in balance. You can't just think about the negatives and the downside of life; you need to also see the bright side, and vice versa. So, to be fair to yesterday's list, here are my likes:

  • "Hannah Montana." Laugh. Go ahead. It's a guilty pleasure. I think the show is hilarious! I guess it's because I'm a writer, and when I hear a good line, I think, "Damn, Why couldn't I come up with that?"
  • Competition. I'm not really a sore loser, I play one on TV. No, but seriously, it's all an act. I am very competitive, but not very, very good at anything in particular. However, I am pretty decent and when I know I can win but I don't, I think, "Yo, I totally had a chance. How'd I blow it?" If I had my way, I'd play a game until I come out with more wins than losses. But again, I am NOT a sore loser ;)
  • Oldies. I love blasting Stevie Wonder's more upbeat tracks in my car, and I listen to old school Michael Jackson like I'm getting paid to play his songs. I am a sucker for Motown! I like The Temptations, The Four Tops, Jackie Wilson, etc. Motown produced some of the most positive and refreshing music ever. "The Way You Do The Things You Do" is one of my favorite songs. When I had an apartment, I used to pop open the windows and blast this song while cleaning and dancing like a loser...of course, when no one else was around.
  • Windows. Lots and lots of windows. Big windows. Let the sun shine in! Or the stars! I love it when rooms have huge, huge windows and great views. I like how bright the room feels when natural light comes in. I am a daydreamer, and so I think this also has a lot to do with the fact that when I am in deep thought, I tend to look outside.
  • Sleep. I love sleeping, but my body naturally wakes up at like 8 am, no later than 9 am, which is why I tend to post early in the morning moreso than any other time of day. Unless I am going out at night, I try to go to bed by like 11 pm to compensate for the inability to sleep in.
  • The smell of freshly cut grass. If they could bottle it up (unless they already did...sounds like something to Google!) I would totally spray it all over my house.
  • Australian accents. They're just the coolest ever, hands down.
  • Airplane rides. I don't mind 13-hour flights. I think it's because I could literally sleep anywhere, and I think airplane seats are so comfortable! Plus, I like that longer flights play movies and some even provide personal screens so you could watch anything you want at any time. I could live on an airplane. I don't know why I like flying so much, but I do.
  • Unlimited texting. I text a whole lot, and have gotten in trouble for it in the past. When I just have one thing to say, I just text real quick because I don't want to call. I don't want to go through the whole, "Hey, how are you? I'm fine. It's a nice day, huh? Blah, blah blah... Well I'll call you later. Bye." For me it's awkward. I"ll only call when I want to have an actual conversation. Cut out the flowery ish and just go straight to the point and you don't need to prolong a quick message that, in a text, would have just began with what you wanted to tell the person and ended with the person texting back, "OK." Short and sweet, like me :)
  • Tofu. Weird, right? I like tofu with soy sauce, bean sprouts, and mushrooms. I eat strange food. If you know me in real life, then you know not to leave it up to me to cook dinner.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009


I think it's about time for those few who are following to get to know me a little more (and it's about time I post again!). Here are my dislikes in no particular order:

  • Wrestling. And I mean the "professional" wrestling that is obviously staged and super over dramatic.
  • Getting lost. I do that all too often. My next investment is a GPS. I mean, I spend more money on gas when I don't know where I'm going than I would on a GPS, so I might as well buy one.
  • Losing things. More like misplacing things, actually. I do that often also.
  • Repitition. After the third time someone says, "Can you repeat that?" or I have to reiterate repeatedly, I've just about had it with that person.
  • Kids having temper tantrums in public.
  • When parents give in to kids having temper tantrums in public. Could this possibly be linked to the growing obese population? ("Mommy, buy me that King Size Snickers right now, or I will scream at the top of my lungs!" + "Okay, son, just shut up already!" = overweight American kids? YOU do the math).
  • Twitter. No offense to the millions of people using it! I just don't know why we have to know every second of your life. "Following" is like "stalking with permission." It's fine for this blog because it's not my daily life typed out every second. Following on this blog is more like being subscribed to it. So please, don't stop following because I don't like "following." Please note the difference between quotations and no quotations :)
  • Chocolate. I know what you're thinking: "What kinda girl are you?" It makes me gag unless it's mixed with other things like ice cream or peanut butter. I barely ever eat chocolate.
  • Grammatical errors. This really peeves me. Even in text messages when people don't realize what words T-9 does not recognize. I sometimes go back and read my old posts, then fix any grammar and spelling mistakes. I kinda stopped doing that because it seems really anal of me, huh?
  • Abbreviations while speaking. Ugghhh, this one bugs me! I especially can't stand when people say out loud, "OMG!" Seriously? I hear that one the most, and it irritates me more every time someone says it.
  • Cocky police officers. They really let "power" get to their heads. It bothers me to even explain this one, so I won't.
  • Cockiness PERIOD. Yeah, you're good at something. We all know. Why rub it in so deep our skin starts to bleed?
  • Newspapers. They're just SO boring. I understand it's meant to just be news and pretty much regurgitate something that happened so that it's 100% as factual as possible. However, I think I should start a more modern newspaper that isn't so melodramatic and has more positive news.
  • Ferrets. What is so cute about them??
  • Jewelry. Again: "What kinda girl are you?!" I like jewelry, okay? It's just that in the morning that's just an extra thing I'd have to think about. So I don't bother unless I have to be dressed up, even then it's minimal. Or if I am going out and I find something that perfectly matches. Otherwise, I don't waste money or time. Plus, I need to be able to fight quickly. I can't be like, "Hold up. Let me take these rings off before we get into this." Just kidding. I'm nonviolent like Gandhi.
  • The word "poop."

Friday, May 15, 2009

mindXposed Quote of the Week

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." - Plato

Are you stressed out and taking it out on the woman driving too slow in front of you? Or maybe you're taking it out on the customer who is taking too long writing out that damn check. Why are people using checks anymore, anyway? Nah, maybe it's the cashier who just seems to have no patience. You're about to spend money in his store, so why is he rushing you, huh?

Hey, you never know what these people are going through, just like they don't know what's going on with you. Yeah, you got your issues and you can't deal with people, and you just want them all out of your way so you can do what you gotta do. Well, my dude, they're thinking the same thing about you.

Life ain't easy for any of us. So, let's not make it any more difficult than it has to be with stupid little arguments and misjudgments, please.